I apologise in advance if this turns into a mish-mash of ideas and a ramble. I'm trying to tease the Who I Am Response out of the knotted tangle of Emotional Reactions of what I have seen over the past few days.

I reject the idea that the riots that have dominated several English cities are simply a product of poverty, or race. I see people from all walks of life indulging in this behaviour - men and women, boys and girls of many ethnic backgrounds. They are not dressed in rags, they are in possession of mobile phones and some of them have jobs - a graphic designer, a teacher and someone who recently joined the armed forces - these are not poverty stricken, unemployed youths from the ganglands.

I have heard several interviews where perpetrators claim the responsibility lies with the government, and yes in some ways it does - but I cannot accept the failures of government justifies violence, destruction, theft and killing. Even if I sometimes see the government indulging in those very same examples of behaviour.

I do not wholly support the Police - their methods are highly questionable and their management of crowds fails often, and even leads to the death of innocent people. We need to know the full story of what happened in the taxi that resulted in the shooting of Mark Duggan. We need to know the full story behind claims that a 16 year old girl was attacked by 15 riot police at the vigil following his death - did police methods inflame things? If so, they need to consider their part in this.

I reject the idea that rioting that spread was in any way a protest against Mark Duggan's shooting. It looked more to me like a free for all opportunity to steal coveted consumer goods and destroy other people's property. That is unacceptable to me as "protest".

I am bemused by the apparent lack of police response in many areas. I am bemused by the reports that instructions seemed to be "stand back and let it happen". I understand that they were stretched and dealing with a highly unusual and challenging set of circumstances, but I cannot help but recall my own negative experiences of police behaviour. I experienced kettling during a political rally in Edinburgh - the road was officially closed to traffic by the council until 5pm to allow space for the protest to conclude with the rally. At around 3pm the police began to close ranks and try to herd us onto the pavement, squashing us together like sardines. They had no legitimate reason for doing this and it felt very much like they were trying to instigate trouble. To this day I think it was an abuse of power, but I know that if trouble had erupted it would have been the protesters who would have been tarred with the brush of disgrace.

Another encounter with Police springs to mind - this time in London following an American Football game at Wembley. We were walking to the tube station and crowd management techniques apparently involve mounted police creating breaks in the crowd to filter folk down in stages. The policewoman on the horse nearest us beckoned us through and we stepped forward and then the policeman on the other side shouted and backed his horse at me and I thought I was going to be trampled. I thought it was disgraceful that in following the instructions of one officer, another felt entitled to endanger me and intimidate me.

On neither of these occasions was I breaking any law, acting in an unruly manner or damaging anyone's property.

So to watch the footage of riots, violence and looting and see officers standing back leaves me confused. It seems like a massive swing to go from over zealous treatment of peaceful people (including the death of Ian Tomlinson) to the softly softly approach taken this week with violent rioters.

Of course in some places the police did not even turn up, so stretched were their numbers - but at the very least questions need answers and there needs to be better definition over what is acceptable from a crowd and what is acceptable from police.

Seeing the wider reaction and commentary to the riots, I can at once understand the anger at what these people have done but I also find myself wondering why things erupted this way - what were the catalysts, how can we create a phoenix from the flames and heal the rifts in society that breed this contempt?

I hear the calls for water cannons and rubber bullets, the calls for intervention from the army and I feel sad that we collectively seem to want to respond in kind. For to respond to the specific incidents that have taken place with any of these extreme measures equates to instantly over-riding guidelines and policies with a knee-jerk reaction. I appreciate experienced police officers who have experience of using these methods in Northern Ireland speaking out and saying that none of the incidents have warranted rubber bullets etc. In London, at least, the increased police numbers seems to have averted repeat performances without the need to resort to violence.

One theme running through this for me is the group dynamic - how the frenzy builds and people allow themselves to follow the crowd and do things they would not normally do, or say things they would not normally say. There has been a freedom or safety in numbers for the people who gathered to loot and riot, and this group dynamic also plays out in the reaction that calls for a violent response in return.

The even bigger picture spreads out and I think of Norway and the recent attacks and I think of the response from the Norwegian Prime Minister, Jens Stoltenberg, when he called for more democracy in response to terrorism.

"If one man alone can show so much hate, imagine all the love and humanity a whole nation can give." ~ Jens Stoltenberg

It is difficult to separate the judgement and anger at what these people have done - the injuries to people and animals (five police dogs were injured), the destruction of homes and businesses, the theft of so much property and the arrogant joy some of them express at their achievements. I'm quite sweary when I listen or watch, but I think we have a lot to learn from all the threads of this tangled web and a measured response is better than a reactionary retaliation.

We can demonise the people who burned down homes but we must remember that the police are not pristine providers of safety and freedom any more than David Cameron is an honourable man who upholds peace - his example as a leader involved in several armed conflicts, who in his own youth partied with the Bullingdon Club (a club who rent restaurants and vandalise them as a bit of posh fun) and has employed a man of questionable media practises in the form of Andy Coulson.

I'm still thinking, and sorting and need more coffee...

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Riot Responses originally appeared on Taexalia on August 10, 2011.

I gaze out at the hazy blue sky, relishing the bright sunshine after days of wind and rain. I am up early, getting things done, energised. A movement catches my eye and I am mesmerised by the sailing shape of a Buzzard. This is the front window that looks over the town to the Forth and I am used to watching Buzzards out the back windows. I relish this unusual sight.

Then a Crow flies into the picture and swipes at the tail of the Buzzard, disturbing the smooth soaring motion. Another Crow joins in as they harass the Buzzard to move along. I cannot choose between them, admiring the Buzzard for its solitude and graceful flight and also the Crows for their gutsy defense of their boundaries.

Perhaps today I am more about the Buzzard, moving on and away from distractions and crazymakers...

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Flying Solo originally appeared on Taexalia on April 7, 2011.

Yule Lunar Eclipse

We had a gorgeous view of the moon hung low in the West this morning and we were awake to see ourselves start to cast a shadow over her. It was not as dark as it might have been, since the snow cover reflects an eerie blue light. We fuddled with cameras and then I gave up and just watched the universe at work. What a sense of stillness and movement as the earth's shadow crossed her surface, and at the same time she sank lower and lower into the trees and behind the hill. We saw the last sliver of light vanish, and we lost sight of her in more than one way.

As if this wasn't enough, happening on a full moon, happening on the Winter Solstice, happening while I'm bleeding, all the magical circles colliding on the same day... as if this wasn't enough, a flash in the North-West of the sky heralded an Ursid meteor shooting stars to the earth and I felt like a child stepping through the back of the wardrobe...

My hands are busy making new beads and jewellery - pieces I am proud of, and there is much Work-In-Progress on the desk and ideas flowing in my mind. I'm excited because today I said Yes when asked to be part of an exhibition in Cologne next year. I have no idea what I will exhibit, but to be asked out of the blue fills me with ideas and a bit of yippee!!

If you are reading, I wish you a magical Solstice - there is magic in the air today, can you feel it?!?

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Magical Solstice originally appeared on Taexalia on December 21, 2010.

This morning I am thinking about my dog and the experience we had last week with a group of children who wanted to meet him. The children were on bikes or scooters and they were noisy and excited. My dog, who is a little shy and unsure sometimes, hid behind me with his tail between his legs. This is sort of sweet, in retrospect, given his sheer size.

Rather than walk away with him, I decided to try and give him, and the children, a good experience. I had to be patient in explaining to the children, and explaining again, that the best way to meet my shy dog is to be calm and quiet and to understand that dogs "see with their noses".

It took them a while to get past the twirly excitement of seeing a big dog and wanting to cover him in cuddles to seeing Logan. Each time they approached wanting to overwhelm him with cuddles, he backed off. Each time he backed off, I turned him in a circle and walked him back towards the children, all the while repeating the mantra - "be calm and let him smell your hand."

After two or three tries, they listened and changed their approach and Logan responded by standing still and giving a little wag of his tail and once he had seen them with his nose he was happy for them to pat his head, neck and to run their hands along his back. As this was happening I gave him a biscuit or two to reward him.

This morning I am sitting watching the rain pounding down over Table Rock Lake, brought to us by Tropical Depression Hermine, and thinking about how much more we can connect with a person, or animal, if we take the time to see them for who they really are, rather than pushing our own needs and wants onto them and then being left behind as they run to the hills with their tail between their legs.

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Body Language originally appeared on Taexalia on September 9, 2010.

I'm on my annual retreat collecting experiences, memories, wisdom, ideas and photos of some of the wildlife I've met along the way. I'm also collecting States - so far I've been in Minnesota, Iowa, Missouri, Kansas and Arkansas.

For now, I'm going to share some of the wild thoughts that have come up along the way...

• Let go or be dragged

• Peace is being at one with myself in the midst of everyone else's chaos

• I'll be your dancefloor, but not your doormat

• Sometimes walking away from your goal gets you closer

This last one is from Coco Chanel, but I picked it up during this trip:

• The only way to be irreplaceable is to be different

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Five State Wisdom originally appeared on Taexalia on September 6, 2010.

This Lone Scots Pine stands overlooking the Firth of Forth near to where I live. I see it every day, a constant and consistent marker on the journey. Some days I don't really see it, or even acknowledge it's presence and other days, like today, I pause to look at it and take in it's stature. I wonder how this tree came to be growing here. It is the only Scots Pine in an area sprinkled with pockets and swathes of mixed deciduous woodland.

I have been thinking about community, of being with one's pack, of recognising the ones who support you from the ones to make pleasantries with whilst maintaining healthy boundaries.

Perhaps it is part of the journey of settling in a new place, being an "incomer." Perhaps it is just the energy of the end of a cycle, and the anticipation of being amongst friends for an annual gathering.

I feel an affinity with this tree today,  standing alone and resolute in its difference. It does not become a Beech tree because all the other tall trees nearby are Beech trees. It does not change colour with the seasons, or drop it's leaves in Winter just because that is what all the local trees do. It carries on being a Scots Pine, regardless.

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Lone Pine Standing originally appeared on Taexalia on August 31, 2010.

We went for a walk yesterday morning and one of the differences between the greyhound and the humans was highlighted as we climbed the steps to the high field. His nose engaged and his body language hinted at the traces of something interesting that happened earlier, he sees first with his nose, then his eyes. With us, our eyes engaged first with him and then with the changes in the landscape we noticed... a small area of flattened grasses suggesting something, perhaps a deer, had sheltered there overnight... then feathers and blood and traces of a bird which told of a kill to sustain a life.

I have no idea what killed the bird, but foxes have been on my mind recently and I remembered the day I watched a red fox kill a bird... back in the days when fox sightings were easier - and they practically wrote this blog for me.

These days I see signs of foxes - droppings, leftovers of kills, holes leading off into the undergrowth too big for a rabbit. I see the patch of grass in the field that grows stronger and greener than the grass around it. The fertile patch marks the place where the landowner's henchmen outed the fox with a bright light at night and then shot it dead - not thirty paces from a row of houses - and left it to decompose. In their eyes a warning to other foxes, in mine a symbol of their disconnection from the Circle.

I've seen other foxes a couple of times, but I've seen plastic leftovers of shotgun cartridges littering the path near where they were living - and I wonder at their fate.

Farmers and landowners claim to be the stewards of the coutryside, to know it better than those of us in towns and cities - but they are often the destroyers and litterlouts themselves, motivated only by money.

We returned home and I thought about all of these things as I read a post by Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estés on her Facebook page, the part that spoke to me most was this:

"Some think all we tribal people made up our dances from scratch. Not so, we were taught by the animals. If you've ever wondered what your far back people's dances looked like, all you need do is know the animals of the land they lived on."

I know how foxes dance because they shared their secret lives with me once, but can I learn their dance? I wonder... and if I learn their dance, will I call in sightings of more than their deaths and their leftover prey?

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Dance of the Red Fox originally appeared on Taexalia on August 30, 2010.

I'm hearing this question all over the place as people wish the moments away looking for something better. I look for signs of new life emerging - the snowdrops and winter aconite shine their carpets of hope amongst the decaying humus of the woodland floor, the owls and foxes make eerie night noise as they mark territory and call for mates, buds on trees seem to swell a little more and my flowering redcurrant is uncurling leaves...

The wheel is turning, but the Carlin/Cailleach has not loosed her hold yet, today she is still washing her plaid in the Coirebreachan and laying it's white sheath over the land...

Buddha sits in the garden, laughing as Jack Frost leaves his calling card, reminding us that each moment is what it is...

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Is It Spring? originally appeared on Taexalia on February 24, 2010.

I can recommend The Inch View Hotel, Burntisland, for a delicious meal in an intimate setting. I'm not a food critic, so I'll just say that feeding me pork and me relishing every bite is a rarity. I would eat their pork tenderloin twice.

That's how I spent my Valentine's evening yesterday.

Yesterday because today is all about love.

Forty years ago today @ popped into the world and gifted those of us lucky enough to know him with his special brand of Different.

Happy Birthday Mister @!

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Today It’s About Love originally appeared on Taexalia on February 14, 2010.

The birds that catch my eye just now are the birds marking territory. Is this a message, or a mirror, or an affirmation?

The Buzzard is not hunting when it glides against the clouds. The Buzzard hunts from the vantage point of a fence post, a telegraph pole or a tree. No, when the Buzzards are tilting on the wind, soaring and circling, they are marking airspace and conversing over who can fly where. They may even be describing their home and territory to a potential mate. But they do  not hunt.

The Mistle Thrush still comes to dominate the garden, though less frequent now the snow has melted. When he is here, he positions himself above the food source and ritually defends the stash with fight flight displays. Most other birds are banished to the fenceline, darting in to swipe a morsel when the thrush is distracted by someone else.

Buzzard and Mistle Thrush defining what is theirs, sometimes with grace and sometimes with chase, and affirming the whispers of Vasalisa about claiming my boundaries and relishing my territory.

Survival.

Written in response to this week's Sunday Scribblings.

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Messages About Marking Territory originally appeared on Taexalia on February 10, 2010.