If you are going to climb Ben Nevis then I highly recommend not doing it on the first heatwave day of the summer. I don't recommend doing it during any other heatwave either - but the first heatwave of the year and climbing Ben Nevis is a combination that will leave you puffin, pechin, puggled an pitifu...

Last year we didn't heed this advice. Thinking about it, we didn't really not heed it, we just didn't really think about it in real terms. The day before we just thoucht "Aye fine weather, hope it huds for the morn."

When the Paternal Unit and The GemmaDog deposited us at the side of the road it was 8:15am. Before we even said goodbye, I decided that the fleece I was wearing was already surplus to requirements - and I added it to my rucksack, before lathering my exposed wintry white flesh with sunscreen.

Scottish readers will know how alien a concept it is to be applying sunscreen at 8:15am on a Sunday morning.

We were hot before we crossed the River Nevis and left the shade of the trees. Once we left the shade of the trees we were hotter still.

And then we started to climb.

That's the wonderful thing about Ben Nevis - you start basically at sea level and climb to 4406 (or 4409 depending who you read) feet above sea level. Unlike other Munros, where the car-park might already be at 1000ft above sea level and the summit is 3300ft, you walk all the way. Up. There is no gentle initiation, there is only UP.

We decided very early on that we had the freedom to turn back at any point, given that the heat was, well, hot and given that our recent portfolio of hill-walking was limited to Stac Pollaidh.

Being vaguely experienced, if out of practise hillwalkers, we were equipped with everything one needs to venture onto the Scottish hills. Here is a list of some of the things that were in my backpack... that added to the weight I was carrying... that added to the hotness:

• Aforementioned polar fleece jacket
• Sweatshirt
• Waterproof jacket
• Waterproof trousers
• Scarf
• Fleece hat
• Gloves
• Packed lunch
• Camera
• Water

Feel free to guess how many of those items I needed...

Here is a list of things I didn't bring:

• My own personal rain cloud and wind system

We were slow, we were overtaken, we stopped a lot. We put one foot in front of the other and kept going despite feeling like we might never make it. We were buoyed by the group of guys who kept overtaking us while we were stopped, who would stop further on and banter as we overtook them. One of these darling guys was to be found around the half way point straddling the waterfall and offering to soak people's hats for them. We accepted his offer. I have to tell you that the sensation of that freezing, dripping hat returning to my bonce was one of the best non-orgasmic moments of my life. Both Mither and I are convinced that it was this singular incident that ensured our success.

Yes, despite the heat, and a mile of thigh-deep-arse-muscle-trembling-banana-skin-polluted-snow, we made it.

I didn't have the energy to be euphoric and I didn't have the sunglasses to cope with the harsh effect of sun and snow (I am not one of those people that does things with snow and graphite shoe accessories). I didn't even really have the energy to eat much. But I did climb onto the trig point and feel funny knowing that for the moments we were up there, no-one in these Isles had their feet on the ground and their heads held higher.

What goes up must come down. Much of the downward trek we were kept company by a pair of conversational Ravens. We also discovered that sweat and sunscreen soup is effective in drowning midgies. When my knees made their final creaking downward motion I was already thinking about The Next Time...

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Getting High With Mither originally appeared on Taexalia on February 25, 2010.