Dear Sixteen
A letter to my 16 year-old self, inspired by Sue Bailey and Stephen Fry...
Dear Sixteen,
I find myself struggling to begin this letter since there are so many moments that will come to you that I might want to better prepare you for, protect you from or remove entirely from your coming future. There are things that have already happened to you that I want to wash from your skin...
As one who appreciated The Butterfly Effect, I must consider the implications of urging you to change this, embrace that and run a mile from the other - would I really want to be somewhere other than where I am now, typing this?
Ah well, then my first piece of advice is this:
Don't stop dancing.
You are right - you will not make a career out of it, but that won't matter - keep dancing just for the sheer pleasure of it - then you will already have an exercise habit when you get to my age. Believe me it will be worth it.
Aside from that, when you get to here you will find yourself looking back and wincing as the memories tumble around. You will think about not writing this letter at all and and preferring to look forward - and it strikes me that is no bad thing. Life isn't easy, or fair, and it never turns out quite the way you want or expect it to. You can embrace failure and disappointment with as much gusto as you can embrace surprise and success, or you can start practising earlier at least.
I don't really want to be specific about too much, but since I have the luxury I will give you some things to ponder...
- Don't be afraid to love with all of your heart, especially yourself.
- There is no such thing as a broken heart, only a relationship that was more a dream than a reality.
- When you taste another woman on your boyfriend's lips, leave. Do not pass go, do not collect £200, just take your stuff and the cat and leave. Pronto.
- Tasting other women, in different circumstances, is not something to hide, or to be ridiculed for. Go for it.
- When someone tells you they think you are not good enough, don't accept it as truth. Whether it is as an artist, writer, girlfriend, singer, woman, astro-physicist, bus driver or whatever takes your fancy - only you need to decide whether you are good enough to continue.
- You can have a three strikes rule if you like, but sometimes you need to measure the intensity of the strike and decide whether it could be counted as a three-in-one.
- On 1st May 2009, buy a Euromillions ticket with the following numbers - 5, 19 31, 38, 47 and Lucky Stars 3 and 5. If you only listen to one piece of advice in this letter, then I would still suggest the third bullet point.
- Your mother really does know you better than anyone else, try to see this as a good thing long before you turn 30.
- When something feels uncomfortable it is OK to get all like the Princess and The Pea and request comfort. It is perfectly fine to meet these requests with your own actions.
- Losing something makes space for something new.
You may have more responsibilities, wrinkles and girth when you get to my age - but you can still be as impetuous, passionate, stubborn, spontaneous and individual as you are now. You will have someone wonderful and righteous to share these things with - I say this only as a nudge to enjoy the beautiful bad men a little more in-the-moment-like, not to suggest you save yourself for Mr Right...
Own the rollercoaster.
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Tags: letters to a younger self, stephen fry
Posted on May 6, 2009 in Ponderings.
What a beautiful, affirming letter! And a true gift to me too.
Lovin’ twinkles!
“Own the rollercoaster.”
Oh. Borrowing that one, thank you
And PMSL at the Euromillions ticket.
Oh what a wonderful idea–what a wonderful letter! Written with such love and kindness–it makes me think, how about a letter to your whatever-age-you-are-right-now self, from your twenty-years-older-than-that self. What do you hope to learn, know, from this age you’re living in? Will you be kind to this self, too?
I really like this–it’s making me think, what would I tell my younger self? What would I tell this self? Perspective…