Finding Water
Today I will begin Week 3 of Finding Water. Just yesterday I was feeling that I wasn't really getting anywhere. I've been doing my Morning Pages every single day and I had even walked once each week, but the only thing close to an Artist Date was going out to watch the Lunar Eclipse - and I'm not sure it counted because I wasn't alone.
Yesterday I was feeling that I was going through the motions and barely scratching the surface, that it wasn't enough to feel good about sticking to the Morning Pages habit and that I needed to be going deeper. I can go deeper when I have a dream to explore, but when I don't then I feel like I'm not achieving anything but filling pages. I don't think I even wrote down that I was feeling that way.
But this morning I got up way earlier than usual. My ideal is 6am and I was writing at 6:18am. And I felt myself in this place of doing the same crud that I had done yesterday. I've been writing a lot about how I'd like to create the habit of writing Morning Pages and then go straight out for a walk, every day. I need to walk, I need to get exercise. But all I've been doing is writing about how I'll do it and then when I put the pen down I hit blocks, reasons not to get outside.
This morning, on the final third of the third page I pushed. I picked at the scab and admitted that when I put the pen down I probably wouldn't walk. Then I wrote about why I wouldn't walk. I blamed this and that and amazed myself at how many excuses I had and then I realised that they were all in my head. All I needed to do was to change one little thing. I nearly ran out of paper I got so excited about this revelation.
Revelations always amuse me because they are so simple and obvious but I have to plough through all the crud to find them.
I put my pen down and I got dressed and went for a walk. I walked for fifty minutes. I felt like I had a workout. I saw birds and sunshine and an old lady smiled at me. I walked down a street I had never walked down before and I had a bunch of great thoughts and ideas. In fact all these ideas were tumbling out and I felt a bit overwhelmed... "I have so many thoughts I could run with but I don't know which one to pick - maybe it doesn't matter, maybe I just need to grab any one."
So yesterday I felt blue and blocked and this morning I feel like a whole new woman. I laugh at myself when I have these roller coaster moments. But going up is always the fun part 
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Tags: book blogging group, book study, finding water, morning pages, nurturing creativity
Posted on March 11, 2007 in Creativity, Thoughtful, Wordy, Writing.
Wishcasting: Space
Wow this is brilliant – well unblocked!
welcome, welcome to the fw group!
and as for the above post, i’m so sorry for your loss.
I, too, am sorry for your loss. I also wanted to say hello and welcome you to our group.
I am sorry for your loss.
And glad to find you joined Finding Water – I am always happy to “see” you because I love your writing…and find the post about pushing on the third page wonderful – it’s always that third page where things start to sing for me, too. hugs.